A Letter to My Unmarried Siblings

To my unmarried siblings I would say don’t give up and don’t settle. Marriage for Christians is supposed to reflect the Christ-Church relationship and should not be entered into lightly. Since all my unmarried siblings are young ladies, I would tell you to only marry a man who deeply loves Jesus and desires to follow him. Do not ever compromise on this. Don’t think you can “fix” a man. You can’t. Only Jesus can do that.

Marry someone who you don’t have to drag to church but who instead wants to be there and be active in the body of Christ. Remember, chances are that man will also be a daddy to your kids some day. Your sons and your daughters will learn what it means to follow Jesus from him.

Marry a man who puts your needs first. Someone who is willing to sacrifice for you. Sacrifice and service are the epitomes of what Christ did for church and are required for a marriage that would model this relationship. If the man you are interested in is consumed with himself don’t expect that to change when you get married and don’t be surprised if he takes advantage of you. A relationship with one servant and one selfish taker is a recipe for disaster. Both must be servants.

After almost seven years of marriage I still don’t have it figured out. Everyday I learn more about what it means to be a husband and a father. Marriage requires humility. It requires you to acknowledge your bad habits, bad personality traits, and it forces you to begin to sand down those rough edges in order to bring your life together with another. In short, marriage for a Christian is a tool in our sanctification. It should drive us to our knees as we recognize the weaknesses it reveals. It should cause us to rejoice at the love and companionship it brings to our lives. It should make us ever more reliant upon Jesus as we learn that even the great blessing that is our spouse can in no way replace the Savior.

Marriage forces us to become less selfish. In our self-centered culture this is indeed counter-cultural and more and more necessary. My wife put aside graduate school to support my calling and put me through seminary. She sacrificed for me. Siblings, begin working to make yourself less selfish and more giving individuals. This will only help you when you get married and discover just how mush selflessness a good marriage requires. Become the person you would want to marry.

Marriage will always be hard. However, if both people are committed to Christ and to each other it has the potential to be the best kind of hard. Besides, how many things in life worth doing are easy?

Love,

Big Brother

Note- This post was inspired after reading this from The Gospel Coalition Blog: http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/gospeldrivenchurch/2012/11/28/at-last/

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